


Can we simply starve this sin?

by we_are_just_bad_code



Category: Jane the Virgin (TV)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, F/F, Rose's POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-29
Updated: 2016-03-29
Packaged: 2018-05-30 00:18:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6399958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/we_are_just_bad_code/pseuds/we_are_just_bad_code
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some of the first times Rose got to have with Luisa.<br/>Or the things Rose's mind went through before she drew her last breath.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can we simply starve this sin?

The first time Rose sees Luisa smile is that first night at the bar, where they devoured one another with their eyes. Rose had been wearing the red dress she knew hugged her body in all the right ways and Luisa had been so struck by her beauty she couldn’t help but smile when looking at Rose’s ocean blue eyes.

They both realize now that those first shared smiles had nothing on the ones that were to come. They couldn’t possibly be compared to the way Luisa curled her lips upwards when they were kissing or to the dazed smirk Rose had reserved only for her lover after sex.

But the times they saw each other happy were rare, since the raw emotions they tended to hide often came between them and left them feeling empty, like nothing could ever fill up the space they occupied in each other’s hearts.

***

The first time Rose sees Luisa really smile it was her lover’s birthday and they had managed to sneak away for the day, since Emilio had been away on business, as it always happened on Luisa’s birthday. The fact that Rose had remember that day was special made Luisa’s heart ache pleasantly and a warm feeling settle into her chest, making her feel more joyful than ever.

Rose had decided to take her away to the sea for the day, using her future husband’s yacht to allow them to run away from their lives and focus only on each other. It had been a while since they had been together without a strict time line and it felt good to just loose themselves in each other’s bodies without having to worry about what would happen next.

After an hour-long of taking turns in making each other come, Rose and Luisa fell onto the freshly made bed and their limbs ended up tangling themselves together. It was the first time they ever got to cuddle, as their encounters were usually rushed. As Luisa’s head came to rest on Rose’s shoulder and the redhead’s arm wrapped itself around the tiny brunette, she closed her eyes, sighed contently and there it was: the first light and unworried smile Rose ever saw on Luisa’s lips. She kissed her lover’s forehead then, muttering something on her ear that made her smile become even wider. Had Luisa’s eyes been opened, she would have seen how happy Rose had been then as well.

***

The first time Rose realizes she loves Luisa they had just stumbled on the couch after tugging roughly at each other’s clothes until the unwanted pieces of fabric came to rest messily on the floor. As it happened more often than not, Luisa was smiling on top of Rose, her brown eyes dark with lust and her chin shining slightly with the light that came from the window, due to some of the wetness that came from Rose’s centre.

Rose entwined her long fingers in Luisa’s hair, bringing her down to a sloppy kiss and tasting herself on her lover’s lips. In that moment, with her heartbeat slowing down gradually and her breath still rushing into her lungs quickly, Rose’s mind went to those three words, _I love you_ , for the first time ever.

No matter how much she had wanted to express her feelings for Luisa, she knew she couldn’t, not without putting her plan at risk. So Rose stayed silent, looking into her lover’s deep eyes until too much time had passed and Luisa was forced to ask if something was wrong.

Rose wanted to tell her, right there and then, about everything and it took all the strength she had gathered over the last years to limit herself to squeeze Luisa’s hand reassuringly, kiss her shoulder and tell her she had to go, as she started to collect her clothes from the floor.

Rose had always been a master of deception, but when it came to Luisa she always seemed to give a very detectable lie. She knew now, after that quick moment of realization, that what she had with the woman she had come to love could never be something. Luisa was becoming her weakness and as Sin Rostro, Rose could not have weaknesses.

***

The first time Rose saw Luisa crying was also the first time her beloved whispered those three words that had scared Rose so much that night on the couch.

It was the evening before she was supposed to marry Luisa’s father and, against everything Rose had told her, the tiny brunette had showed up in her hotel room, begging her to leave Emilio and run away with her. Rose kept insisting she couldn’t, although she was so tempted to take Luisa’s hand and never show up in Miami ever again, leaving her criminal life behind her and focusing only on the woman she knew could make her happier than money ever could.

As they talked that evening, Rose remaining calm and collected, her hands closed into fists as she tried to not be affected by Luisa’s pleads, her lover’s eyes grew more and more exasperate until she couldn’t take Rose denying her feelings for her anymore.

“I love you,” Luisa whispered, her voice harsh with a somehow accusing tone. When Rose didn’t meet her gaze, a small tear threatened to fall down her cheek and when it did fall, it left behind a wet trail of pain and suffering.

Rose had wanted nothing more than to reach out and kiss Luisa’s tears away, but she couldn’t, she knew she couldn’t. Her heart ached for seeing Luisa like that; had she not been so in control of herself she, too, would have started crying.

“You have to leave,” Rose said, her voice barely above murmur, as her throat closed itself, making it hard to breathe. She got up then and opened up the door for Luisa, her arms dragging painfully by her sides. She would never forget how hurt Luisa’s eyes had been, how broken and empty they looked, and Rose decided then that whatever they had with each other could never happen again; she could never damage Luisa like that ever again.

After Luisa walked out the door that evening, Rose collapsed against the door, her hands flying to her face as a hot stream of tears started pouring out of her eyes like it had never happened before.

***

The first time Rose notices how much she needed Luisa was also the first time she put her before everything else, even her plan.

Rose had just come home after a very long, very exhausting honeymoon with her new husband and all she wanted was to run away from him for a while, although she knew she couldn’t, she had important things to work on. Although those things came first, after living so long in a lie, having no way to escape from it, Rose needed to feel like herself, she needed to feel real, even if only for a couple of hours.

It was with that in her mind that she found herself standing outside of Luisa’s house, the cold midnight air hitting her face softly and making her red locks brush lightly against her face. She brought her hand to the air in order to knock on the door, but just as her knuckles were about to touch the soft wood, Rose let her hand fall by her side.

What was she doing? She told herself countless times this could not happen; she had been the one who ended things between them so that no one got hurt. But now there she was, standing outside her ex-lover’s – wait, no, stepdaughter’s – house, wishing she could take it all back.

What would she even say to Luisa? That she was sorry? That they could still make it? No. None of that was true. She knew when she had started her plan, a year ago, that she would have to make sacrifices. Although, she never thought the love of her life would be among them.

Suddenly, something crashed inside the house, the sound of broken glass echoing in the air and the decision of whether to knock or not was put aside immediately as Rose got concerned with Luisa’s safety.

She moved a small vase that stood near the door in order to find the backup key she knew Luisa kept there and unlocked the door, slipping quickly inside.

More shattering noises followed the one that had gotten Rose’s attention and she followed their source upstairs, calling Luisa’s name ever once in a while as not to scare her when she found her.

The bathroom light was turned on, its door opened slightly and its air filled with quiet sobs. Rose found Luisa sat on the cold white tiles of the room in the middle of shards of glass, her eyes puffy and red from crying and her bleeding hands wrapped protectively around the neck of liquor bottle. She was so drunk she hadn’t even noticed Rose coming in.

The redhead’s knees sunk down to the floor and her hands came to rest on Luisa’s face, stroking her wet cheeks softly and brushing away a few strands of hair, forcing the brunette to look at her.

“Rose… You’re here,” she whispered with disbelief, as her empty eyes were washed over by everything she was feeling when she saw her former lover. “I can’t believe you’re here,” she murmured as tears started pouring out of her beautifully sad brown eyes and her arms came to lock themselves behind Rose’s neck, knocking the liquor bottle to the floor.

Their embrace lasted forever, Rose thought, as her shoulder became wet with Luisa’s tears and her face with her own. She had never seen her beloved so off the rails and it made her heart beat with sorrow, for she was the source of all her pain.

“I’m sorry Luisa, I’m so, so sorry,” Rose whispered in her lover’s ear, pulling her on her lap and laying her head on her shoulder. “You’re going to be okay, everything’s going to be okay,” she said, even though she knew it was lie. Nothing was okay and Luisa deserved so much more than this. “I-I screwed up with you, I never meant to hurt you. You’re the only real thing in my life right now and I’m so sorry I ruined you,” she continued, encouraged by the fact Luisa wouldn’t remember any of it in the next day. “Please don’t hate me. I couldn’t take it if you hated me. You’re the most important person in my life, you’re my best friend. I need you”.

***

Rose now thinks of all the first times she got to have with Luisa: the first time she saw her smile, the first time she saw her cry, the first time she realized she loved her, the first time she heard Luisa saying how much they loved her and the first time she realized she needed her.

Rose holds onto every single one of those first times as she gasps for air in the cold hospital floor, only moments after saying goodbye to the love of her life, and all she can think of is how it’s true what people say, life really does flash before your eyes when you’re dying. Rose smiles at the thought of only seeing Luisa before her eyes close. Maybe she hadn’t had a bad life after all.

**Author's Note:**

> This was the first time I wrote from Rose's point of view and I'm not sure how well I did so criticism is appreciated :)


End file.
